The countdown

I can't believe that I am in Kenya for only 2 more weeks. I remember when I first came here, all the days went by so slowly and even as I told others that everything was great, I was wondering how I'd get through 8 weeks. After the first 2 weeks here, the next 4 weeks really just flew by. To anyone who's wondering (maybe no one), I also finally bought my return flight home - I'll be back in the US on July 9th, flying into JFK from Tel Aviv, Israel. Then ill be leaving Jul 15 to go to South Korea and Singapore.

Some of you who I talked to before coming to Kenya knew that I had a dilemma around when to go to Kenya. I had tickets to a Hillsong concert in Boston and considered leaving about 8/9 days later, and also considered potentially delaying another 3 days to go to Columbia Med School's revisit weekend. In my mind, I was rationalizing, "how much of a difference does 1 week even make?" Nonetheless, even after trying to come up with excuses to go to the Hillsong concert (ie: it's ok since it's a christian concert right?), I felt really strongly about leaving early and almost saw this as a test of my commitment - if I couldn't even sacrifice this concert, how serious was I in coming here?

During my first week here, I remember regretting not going to the concert, thinking that coming about 9 days later would not really have been a big deal. I actually wondered why I felt so strongly about coming early in the first place. But then the volcano in Iceland exploded, grounding a large number of flights to and around Europe (my flight, as with most that go to Nairobi from NYC, connected in London), meaning that the I would not have just been delayed 8/9 days by going to the concert, but potentially, for twice that amount of time or more. This would all have been time spent away from Kenya, missing out on learning and seeing new things, and meeting people. Everything happens for a reason.

Anyway, this week I'm working at a hospital, shadowing a doctor who is a retired medschool professor from UCSD. I'm excited to get some clinical exposure and at an academic level, to see the kind of things I wouldn't necessarily see in the states: diseases that are rare in the US, cases progressing to a level that they would not have allowed to get to, treatments and solutions using the kind of resourceful necessitated by a lack of supplies.

Yesterday I was able to join a group of nursing students from the US who are here for less than a week and hike up a short distance up the mountain in the rain (it rains here almost every day since it's the rainy season). We went up to deliver some clothes and toys to a family living there. This group of people brought multiple luggage cases full of clothes, shoes, toys, etc from the US. (Which btw they could have all purchased IN Kenya - no doubt, they imagined Kenya as this desolate place with people living in huts)

Anyway, once we arrived at the home, they took all the gifts out and began distributing them to the family and then taking pictures of members of the family holding the donations. All this happened quite frantically (maybe due to the rain) and I couldn't help but feel a little sick at the spectacle this family had become - like we were exchanging these toys/shoes/clothes, in exchange for photos to show to friends in the US. One of the girls grabbed the youngest child and took a photo - the obligatory picture holding an African baby which will no doubt end up being her facebook profile picture.

I also felt a little sick realizing I had done these exact things, in a similar kind of way (sans facebook profile pic) during my first few weeks here. Actually, I still sort of do it but hopefully in a more sensitive/respectful way - I guess it's really a balance of wanting to show people at home what you're seeing but also respecting the families that you're supposed to be helping. Obviously, I, having been here for a full 6 weeks felt so much more sensitive to this balance than these 5 day "tourists".

This experience reminded me of something my pastor was talked about a few months ago. In New York City, people who have been living in the city their entire life (born and raised) get annoyed by the "fake" NYCers who live and work here, who in turn get annoyed by those who have recently moved here to find a place for themselves, who in turn get annoyed at tourists and people from NJ crowding up the streets. We're always trying to one-up each other, comparing ourselves to another in trite measures and finding significance in insignificant differences (really, are you more of a New Yorker if you've lived in NYC for 5 yrs vs. 3 years?). And like the Remand Center where the kids will fight over every little thing - an extra colored pencil, another piece of paper, cutting in line to get their pencil sharped first - we will continue to fight for every scarce resource, no matter how trite it may be. In the end, we're all fighting to be the skinniest kid in fat camp.

And really, I wonder how trite all these things we fight for, care about, compare ourselves against with others must seem to the Truth. When you take the limit to infinity, the difference between any 2 things will seem infinitisimal. Part of the amazing thing about grace is the realization that we all never deserved it in the first place and that none of us earned it - even if you lived a 6% more moral life than your neighbor.
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